Increase Your Influence With These Body Language Tips
Exactly how to seem authoritative
Katrine Tjoelsen
January 03, 2023
Hi, friend. Happy 2023!
Hopefully, your holidays were less eventful than mine: I was robbed of $2602 by a taxi driver in Peru... Card fraud. Never have I felt so enraged. It reminded me of when a colleague walked over me, too, preventing me from doing my job well.
In 2023, I'm not going to let anyone push me around. And I know that body language helps.
Our body language accounts for 55% of what others take away from us, while our words only account for 7%. Yet most of us only learn body language informally.
What if we studied what experts say about body language? The world's leading educators on body language are, in my view, Keith Johnstone, the world's greatest improv educator, and Deborah Gruenfeld, a Stanford professor and author of Acting with Power.
Here's what you need to know about body language from Gruenfeld and Johnstone:
Actionable tips
1. These behaviors make you seem authoritative
Keep your head straight and still, instead of wobbling or tilted
Point your toes forward or outward, instead of inward (try it if you don't believe it)
Keep your hands away from your head, instead of touching your head
Retain eye contact continuously, instead of breaking it and glancing back
Take up space (lean back, gesture widely, stand up tall), instead of making yourself small
2. If it feels difficult or scary to act authoritatively, read this
Emulate a character. Gruenfeld suggests asking, "What character can I internalize to have the impact I aspire to?" For example, think of yourself "more as a host than a guest at the party."
Use authoritative behavior for the benefit of the group; then it's not selfish. "Playing power up to protect our own interests usually ends up working against us in group contexts. But playing power up to protect others’ interests almost always works in our favor," writes Gruenfeld.
3. Often it's better to be approachable than authoritative
A common misconception is that we always should act more authoritatively. But no. Don't be that annoying person who acts overly confident while messing up the basics.
Approachable body language shows respect and builds relationships.
To be more approachable: Lean forward, make yourself smaller, smile, and tilt your head sideways.
Practice countering your natural tendency. My bias is to be as approachable as I can, so I need to practice being more authoritative (when appropriate).
What else?
Check out Power & Influence (a 20-minute video) with Deborah Gruenfeld for more on how to act authoritatively and how to be approachable. Get a free one-pager cheat sheet for non-verbal communication to put on your wall for daily practice.
Reflect: Do you naturally act authoritatively or are you more approachable? What is one specific body language behavior you can start practicing this week?
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Questions or thoughts? I'm here to help. - Kat Tjoelsen