Stand Out By Giving Feedback The Right Way

A colossal opportunity for current & aspiring managers

Katrine Tjoelsen
February 06, 2023

Hey, fellow learner — I’m pumped to share these tips, because I know how potent they are.

You have a colossal opportunity to stand out by giving feedback the right way.

Why? Because most managers suck at giving feedback. It’s too infrequent and not actionable enough.

Your colleagues are craving insight into what they’re doing well and how they can improve. It’s human nature to thrive when we grow.

YOU can provide that feedback, whether you’re already a manager or if you aspire to be one.

And you’ll be remembered for it.

Exactly how to give feedback

1. Start by caring

It’s false that either you’re a demanding leader who gives critical feedback or you’re someone warm who offers encouragements.

Being warm, and showing that you care about the other person, earns the trust to give critical feedback.

Your first task is to show that you care.

2. Ask if someone wants feedback

Most people say “yes” if you ask “could I share some feedback with you?”

And then you help them feel in control. They grant you permission. You’re not barging in on their territory uninvited.

You’re also opening for a conversation about when you offer the feedback. Perhaps right then isn’t the best time.

If someone says straight up “no,” it’s not worth giving them feedback anyways. And if that person is on your team… you’ve got a bigger issue to work on.

3. State your intention

We’re all terrible mind readers. Don’t make others try to read yours.

Tell others why you’re giving a piece of feedback, before you give it.

It could be: “I'm giving you this feedback because I believe in you and want to help you achieve your goals.”

Or even: “I’m sharing this because I want us to collaborate better together.”

4. Master the format

(i) Don’t hide your message

After sharing critical feedback, we’re so tempted to add on something positive again. Like, “but overall you’re doing great.”

But it dilutes your message and doesn’t make the recipient feel better either.

(ii) Don’t assume what others are thinking

We don’t know why someone’s acting like they do, unless they tell us.

Stick to what you know is true: How someone acted and the effect of those actions on us or the group.

(iii) Use the Situation-Behavior-Impact framework

The Center for Creative Leadership recommends using the Situation-Behavior-Impact framework.

Here’s an example from the Center for Creative Leadership:

- Situation: “This morning at the 11 a.m. team meeting…”
- Behavior: “You interrupted me while I was telling the team about the monthly budget.”
- Impact: “I felt frustrated when you interrupted me because it broke my train of thought.”

Use this framework to give feedback on someone’s presentation, meeting facilitation, email responses, and so on.

5. Prepare for the conversation

The single biggest lesson from my Stanford classes on managerial skills is to prepare for important conversations.

How?

Define and rank your objectives. Do you want to build a closer relationship with the individual? Do you want them to address an issue?
Ask yourself: What’s on their mind? Are they concerned about a performance review coming up? What might their reactions be to your feedback?
List alternative approaches. What are different ways you could convey your feedback?
Assess the alternatives. How does each alternative do on your objectives?
Role play. Ideally with someone you trust, otherwise even saying it out loud can help you out.

Most people are too busy with their crammed calendar to show up with intention.

That’s your opportunity to be different.

What else?

Favorite feedback quote: “When you hold back feedback, you deprive people of the chance to learn from you.” - Adam Grant

Favorite feedback-related book: Radical Candor by Kim Scott.

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